This update concerns material of a questionable nature. I debated whether or not to write about it, but since I can’t think of anything else and this might be of interest, I decided to throw all caution to the wind and bang it up. But be warned, ye blog readers of the internet. The information contained herin reveals information that a select few of you would probably prefer not to know.
Because today I want to talk about traditional korean toilets. (See? I told you.)
Those of you who have visited Asia have no doubt come in contact with these, but here is a quick five word summation for the uninitiated: porcelain hole in the floor. Yep, that’s pretty much it. You squat, you do your business, and then you flush. The handle is on the floor next to the hole, so it’s usually pressed with your foot.
I have been fortunate in that I have never had to actually use one of these things, despite the fact that I have been exposed to them for so long. My apartment bathroom has a western toilet, and my school had one too. However, all good things must come to an end. Last Monday, my school moved across the street. The location is much nicer, with cleaner rooms and a seperate teachers’ area, but there’s one small flea in the ointment. Yep, you guessed it – a traditional korean toilet was the only game in town.
When I spied this device for the first time, I pursed my lips and nodded thoughtfully, but for the most part put it out of my mind. However, I knew it wouldn’t be long before that undeniable pressure would come over my lower regions. Today, my friends, was that day. My time had come. I sighed deeply and steeled myself for the task at hand. Determined to get it over with as soon as possible, I trudged over to the restroom, closed the door, dropped trou, squatted, and…
Nothing at all.
I couldn’t do it.
I pride myself on having an open mind and jumping head-first into new experiences, but this? There was no way. My body wouldn’t listen to me. I quickly gave up and left the bathroom in shame. I managed to get through my next two classes swimmingly if a bit uncomfortably.
Three hours later, my teaching duties fulfilled, I rushed home. Now, I am sitting comfortably in my computer chair. I’ve typed this up after, pardon my french, the most satisfying dump I have ever taken in my entire life.
The next ten months are going to be very interesting.
Perhaps I need to remove fiber and bran from my diet.